Pain makes you...beautiful?

I'll be honest. The past few weeks have been a little rough. It's not like it's been all bad. In fact, some really good things have come out of the last few weeks. I recently found out that this fall I'll be taking the reins of our highest volume store! What has been rough is the pain that has been undermining everything else.

Four years ago I had back surgery. Prior to the surgery I was unable to walk and I was in extraordinary pain. It's the kind of pain you can't escape and mentally, as well as physically, it takes its toll. For the better part of the year, my life was restricted. I couldn't sit comfortably and eventually I couldn't walk. I suffered permanent nerve damage in my left leg that still affects me on a daily basis. But I have worked hard to take better care of my back. I remembered all the wise and kind words my physical therapist shared with me.

The day I realized I could move and that I was no longer in pain was a very, very good day.

On occasion I would still overdue it from time to time and would pay for it with a little pain and a few aches. Nothing too serious and nothing that would take too long to recover from. A few weeks ago something changed.

The pain didn't go away and the nerve pain got worse.

And I got scared.

I never, ever, ever want to go through what I went through four years ago ever again.

So I went to the doctor and he gave me two choices. Aggressive or conservative. And since the conservative approach only meant another week or so, I opted for conservative which meant a week of steroids.

While I am not a fan of MRIs, I am also not a fan of steroids. And thankfully I have the self-awareness to realize when it's the drugs affecting my mood rather than reality. I am certain my employees and the neighbor children would be grateful if they'd known how many words I'd held back over the last several days.

I'm still uncertain as to what is going to happen next. The pain, while reduced, is still a constant. A few more days and the next decision will need to be made.

I think, perhaps, one of the most heart-breaking pieces of this entire scenario is that it's kept me from writing. Sitting in a chair is really hard to do. I managed to get a few hours in the other day and accomplished some good work, but it's really slowed me down and unfortunately, I don't currently have the resources (or the space) to acquire one of John Green's Treadmill desks...though I am working on a little something I can use so I can at least stand while editing.

There are a million obstacles that can keep us from doing the things we love and the things we want to do. Some are the result of external influences while others are self-imposed. What this set-back has shown me is that I am still as committed to my writing life as I was before and that I will do everything I can to keep pushing forward.

Waiting for My Manuscript

What an amazing and incredibly busy and challenging and wonderful week this past week has been. And now, somewhere between the east coast and the west coast, my novel is making its way back to me. I feel like I've sent it off to camp and it's going to come back to me sun-tanned and just a little bit more grown up. It's had a life away from mine and I am looking forward to hearing of its tales and adventures. I can't wait to see how it's grown.

The email I got yesterday (for those who missed the Facebook post) said, "I found SWHOT* to be a strong manuscript, especially the character of Holden. As you'll see in your critique, I think he holds his own with any of John Green's boys."

As I'm sure anyone who regularly reads my blog knows, I am an ardent admirer of John Green as a writer and as a human being. I don't think I could have received a better compliment. And I swear my feet (in their new red shoes) were about 4 inches off the ground all day. A silly grin was permanently adhered to my face and joy filled me up to the point where it overflowed. 


I had the best day ever...beautiful, beautiful weather, new fun sandals, sushi for lunch, hand made salted caramel ice cream, a walk to Wallace Park (where some of my book takes place), a massage, Burgerville (Asparagus Spears!) and Captain America. And all this with my love at my side. Truth be told, I couldn't have written this book without him. He has been supportive and understanding. He has made me coffee, dinner, given me time without me having to ask for it, and taught me so much about love and friendship and happiness. He has been there to to encourage and celebrate through each step of this entire process.

I know there are still many things in my manuscript that need polishing (and I'm really looking forward to hearing the criticisms offered in this manuscript critique as well as the compliments), but one thing I have absolutely never doubted is Holden. He is as real to me as any person I have ever met and I know him inside and out. There was a time when I wanted to push the story in a different direction and he fought back and he won. And he was right.




*Something Worth Holding On To...though I am a little bit enamored with how SWHOT sounds...

My hostas begin to unfurl.

Fame and Procrastination

This past week has really reminded me of something that I'd pretty much forgotten about since college. I really don't like being told what to read and when to have it read by.

A few months ago I was chosen to be involved with a program at work. This means I am sent books to read and am responsible for giving my feedback on them by a certain date. I read the first book back in the beginning of December and it just came out this past week. The first book is called Defending Jacob and was written by William Landay. It was just released this last Tuesday it's exciting to finally be able to talk about it. It's a fascinating book and as I am quoted on every display in all 700+ stores, "Defending Jacob is excactly the sort of book you can't help but want to talk about once you've finished. It is a well-written, deeply haunting tale of family and tragedy that lingers with you."

This is the hardest part about reading an interesting book two solid months before its release date. There is no one to talk to about it with. I'm glad it's finally out and I'm glad it's finally something I can talk about.

What I wasn't expecting was that my quote would be so widely used both internally and externally. They used my quote in the official press release and on Friday I got an email that my quote had been picked up and used in a few articles. Finally! My big break!

Which brings me to this past week. And the book I've been told to read that I've been avoiding quite skillfully.

The next book I've been asked to read is non-fiction. I always have the best of intentions when it comes to reading non-fiction. There are so many things, ideas, events, histories that I'm interested in knowing more about. But I rarely sit down and make myself finish them. I'm awful that way. And this non-fiction book is about a topic that fascinates me and is certainly interesting and presented in a very readable manner. But there's also this childish, rebellious, procrastinator in me who refuses to sit down and just read this book. I only have a few days left to submit my comments so it's going to have to happen sooner than later.

I almost think it's driving my husband more crazy that I haven't finished than it is me. He keeps finding me picking up another book and wondering what I'm doing with it. On Thursday, we had a rare day off together and went to see Hugo at the Living Room Theaters (Amazing!) and since we were right next to Powell's we decided to get some coffee and wander around. I ended up with two new (out of print) books that I am super excited to read. (One is the hardcover of David Levithan's Marly's Ghost...which appears to be another of his Valentine's Day projects! and was illustrated by David Selznick.)

Thus far I've been disciplined enough not to read either of them until I finish my homework.

Which I will do.

By the end of my weekend.

I swear.

I've also been inspired to start another little side project (blog/twitterish). More details when it's ready to launch...which will likely be in the next two weeks.

I will probably reflect more on the John Green Experience another time. For now I will simply say it was everything I wanted it to be (aside from the fantasy where John Green and I became BFFs and started writing books together) plus screaming and hysterical teenage girls.

From "my" display

On Death, Gratefulness, and the Writing of Novels

The house is dark and quiet. I'm still jetlagged, unable to stay up past 9pm and unable to sleep past six. Today is a full day, so I figured I might as well get up and get to it. Today, is the long awaited John Green Day. In a few hours, College Brother will be here from Corvallis and later this afternoon we'll adventure over to attend a book signing the likes of which I've never seen. And I've seen a lot...from the sad sort of events where no one shows up to the Neil Gaiman and Amanda Palmer Sold-Out Masterpiece. Stay tuned for a future blog post regarding this day.

I'll be honest here, this past week has been more than a little bit rough. I have been fortunate not to have experienced a lot of death in my life. The first real blow hit me when I was 13 and one of my best friends was hit by a car and killed. It took me a great long time to come to terms with losing Adam (the first boy I ever slow danced with) and there isn't a May 8th that goes by when I don't think about him.

I've lost two other grandparents. One had long term health issues and the other had cancer. I loved them both dearly. I don't want to diminish that in any way, but the relationship I had with Grandpa Shasky was different and I will miss him so very, very much. I am grateful I was able to get as much time with him as I did. 87 years is a pretty impressive run. I am grateful that I was able to go back and spend time with family and to have a work environment that allowed me to do so without a second thought. I am grateful for a staff that kept things going while I was away and made my reentry as painless as possible. I am grateful for my husband and for friends who've sent kind messages and loaned me suitcases at the last moment.

In short, I am very grateful, even though I might also be very sad.

In the midst of all this, I've still been able to keep my writing going. The novel has moved forward and I am bewildered to find I am somehow still on schedule. How it all happened, I am not exactly sure. I was talking to a work friend early yesterday morning and after we talked about work stuff, we started talking about life stuff and he asked me about my book. I began to talk about how this project has been so different than any of the others I've worked on over the years, how even coming home after a long day I can't wait to dive in and get started with the work, how the hours will fly by as I get lost in the words, in my words. There is a passion connected with this project that overwhelms and inspires me. I love that I love to work on it.

In fact...

To the Beach! And an update on The John Green Catastrophe

It is finally here! The holiday I have been waiting for! The post-Christmas, post-New Year's comp time that I most definitely earned. Tomorrow morning, amazingly wonderful husband and I will take off for a wonderful 3 night/4 day stay at our favoritest place on the Oregon Coast. To say I am looking forward to it, would be a gross understatement. To say I have been living for it, would be a bit closer to the truth.

Over the past week I've been (slowly) working through the first 30 pages of my manuscript, inputting edits I'd made to the print copy back in October. The time away has been good and the most creepy and satisfying bit is when I'll be reading through and thinking of a correction and then I'll look down on the paper and there it is, already noted by the Me From Three Months Ago. It makes me feel like I'm on the right track.

What I'm trying hard not to feel is overwhelmed. There are a great many changes that need (and will) happen with these words and with these pages. Right now I've been struggling with where to begin. Part of me wants to simply dive right into the heart of it and the other part of me wants to take it slowly, to work page by page. So far, page by page is winning out. My goal, for this time at the beach, is to get through the first 220 pages of edits and then begin the merging of the two year's projects and to start a similar editing process for the second half. Soon I'm going to need/want some more readers and I'd like to have the manuscript in good enough shape for that by March.

Since my Christmas Day blog (to date, the most viewed blog of mine...and still getting views) about the John Green Catastrophe* (as I'm, with great sadness, referring to it now), I haven't been able to let it go. That week between Christmas and New Year's, the whole situation was still really bothering me. Mistakes were made and I felt horrible for how John Green was feeling and what he was going through because of a mistake my company made. So I sent an email to a contact in the corporate office.

Then waited.

I didn't have to wait very long before she responded, delegating the task to someone else within our corporate structure. Over the past week, that someone and myself have played phone tag. Yesterday we finally got to talk. Turns out the story is much more complicated than John Green (and by extension myself and the rest of the world) knew. Apparently the mistake of the pre-orders shipping early from bn.com was NOT Barnes & Noble's fault, but the publisher's.

I have no great grasp for how the management of an SOS (Strict-on-Sale) title between the publisher and the seller goes, but I trust that at this point, my source, having done her research to prepare for a possible apology, knows what's going on. This makes even more sense as reports of other bookstores around the country have put the book out on their shelves early.

Barnes & Noble will still be reaching out to Mr. Green because we do care, but it can't be an apology for messing up.

This week, stage 2 of the John Green Catastrophe went into effect. The signed pre-orders. John Green committed to sign every single copy of the entire first print run, some 150,000 books. It's been kind of a big deal. Lots of fans/readers have been asking questions about where they can get their signed pre-orders and when they have to pre-order to get their signed copy. The answer has always been something along the lines of, "Don't worry. All the books will be signed no matter where you get them. You could even walk into a bookstore on January 10th and one will be waiting for you."

Turns out, someone (fingers pointing towards the publisher), messed up.

We received our stock of the book this past Thursday (which we will, in turn, begin selling on January 10th). Of that initial shipment, only 38% of the copies were signed. I went through and made sure that the pre-orders DID get one of the signed copies, especially the very sweet teenage girl who came in a week early just to make sure she was going to be able to get it on the release day. We had a lovely conversation about how excited we were to finally be able to read the book and how awesome John Green is.

I do still feel horrible for John Green who is, according to his tweets, not sleeping. I feel horrible that this has not been the release he was hoping for. But at least his fans have been incredibly supportive and good natured about the whole thing.

*It almost sounds like a band name a la The Jane Austen Argument 

Read upon David Levithan's suggestion. He has yet to steer me wrong.

The postings on this site are my own and do not represent Barnes & Noble's positions, strategies, or opinions.

Good Morning, 2012!

I am a fan of round numbers (like zeros and eights with their lovely shapes). I am also a fan of even numbers (2,4,6,8 who do we appreciate? Even numbers!) Maybe this is why (along with a Mayan predicted Apocalypse) I have been so looking forward to the start of 2012. It's one of those years that stands out in the progression of time. Like 1994 (high school graduation) and 1998 (college). 2000 was another such year with all its pretty zeros and the pending doom of Y2K.

It was in the fall of 2000 I went to Guatemala for two weeks. While I was there I visited the Mayan Ruins at Tikal and learned, for the first time about the Mayan calendar. I was fascinated. I spent a few years doing bits of research here and there, but was surprised that there wasn't more mainstream attention/interest. A few years later, that all changed and before I knew it I was seeing book displays for 2012 and movies and horrible documentaries. Has anyone written a song yet? We really should party like it's 2012...and now that I've got my ukulele (and maybe 3-4 chords nailed) I'll get on that.

I'm happy right now. What a lucky place to be. I am looking forward to this year...personally, professionally, hopefully. I started out this day with what I'm thinking will be a new annual tradition (this was year two). David Levithan (editor, writer, inspire-er) takes a photograph every day and then on New Year's he sets the photos to music and puts together a lovely video slideshow (viewed here). I could watch it over and over again. It inspires me.

I've never been one to keep a list of books I've read. I guess I've always felt like that's what my library is for (but then again, I do borrow ever so many books from work). Over the past month, I've been contemplating starting a list of books for 2012, but thinking about the photo diary that David Levithan keeps, I think, instead, I will photograph each book I read and then at the end of the year, I will put together some kind of photo collage/video to celebrate it. What fun! And way cooler than a boring old list...

This past week, I finally had a day (and a half) off. I spent it catching up on life's business (cleaning, laundry, bills, groceries) and I savored it reading and editing. I read an absolutely brilliant book by Portlander Laini Taylor called Daughter of Smoke and Bone. It is honestly, one of the most thrilling (for its language, its characters, its plot) that I have read in a really long time. Though classified by its publishers as Teen/Young Adult, the book transcends such labels (for a variety of reasons). I fell head over heels in love with this book.

"For the way loneliness is worse when you return to it after a reprieve--like the soul's version of putting on a wet bathing suit, clammy and miserable."

The book is just filled with these wonderful thoughts, ideas, feelings, phrasings. I didn't want it to end! And because it literally ends with "To be continued..." it hasn't. Warning: Next book isn't out until the fall of 2012.

2011 wasn't so bad, looking back. Three highlights I saw/did/loved from various categories:

Live Music: Neil Gaiman/Amanda Palmer, TMBG, Josh Ritter
Bookish Events: Neil Gaiman/Amanda Palmer, Josh Ritter, David Levithan
Television: Doctor Who (seriously, what took me so long!), Downton Abbey, Glee
Books: Domestic Violets, The Night Circus, Daughter of Smoke and Bone
Albums: Iron & Wine's Kiss Each Other Clean, My Morning Jacket's Circuital and The Decemberists The King is Dead

Lucky for me, 2012 has some things I'm very much looking forward to and fortunately, I don't have to wait long for them...January is already filled with such wonderful things! What I'm looking forward to most? My extended weekend (in one week!) to my most favorite place on the Oregon Coast, John Green's new book on the 10th (officially) The Fault in Our Stars, Thanksgiving in January, and getting to see John Green on the 29th!

More than anything though, what I'm appreciating most about this new month in this new year, is time. 2011 taught me a very important lesson in how much can be done with the time you have. In 2012 I hope to put that lesson into practice. I am looking forward to seeing all that I can accomplish.

The first book I will finish in 2012

Sleepless (Merry Christmas, John Green!)

It's 3am (okay, 2:53 am) on Christmas morning and I can't sleep.*

First, I am exhausted. I have helped thousands of people find books, NOOKs, and other assorted items for their loved ones this holiday season. I have had to break the bad news to a quite a few people that the book on x and y (together, of course), simply doesn't exist. I know Uncle Clever Name likes to fish and is also into vintage cars, but so far no one's written a book combining those interests. No, really. I'll humor you with a search on this fancy computer, but I'm still going to come up with zero results. I've been doing this for nearly 14 years. Yes, I do know a little bit about books.

Second, a terrible and insignificant thing happened this week. If you've been reading this blog, or at least the NaNoWriMo portions, then you know that I am a huge fan of John Green. He has earned a great deal of my respect for the human being he is and for the books that he's written. Earlier this week, bn.com did something awful. They didn't bomb a school. They didn't crash an airplane into a skyscraper full of innocent people. They broke a book embargo. John Green's SOS (Strict-on-Sale) for his forthcoming (in theory) new book The Fault in Our Stars. It was inadvertently shipped to several people who had preordered the book online.

It was a mistake. And to John Green, it was a very, very, very unfortunate one. There was a great deal of effort that went in to making certain TFIOS would arrive for everyone to read at the same time. John Green doesn't want spoilers out there ruining the experience for people. I 100% accept and appreciate that. (I've worked many a Harry Potter releases and I've been behind the jerk who opens the book to the end and begins reading aloud. I believe there is a special punishment for people like that...as well as for one of my dearest friends, who upon returning to English class in 9th grade after picking up our next assignment from the book room promptly opened it up and declared "Marcus is dead," and so for the entire book, I knew that Marcus would die. To date, I have still (obviously) not let that go.)

I have not spent ten years working on a book the way that John Green has worked on The Fault in Our Stars, but I do know how it feels to work on a book for two years. I know how it feels to put everything you have and even everything you didn't know you had into a book. I am (in complete disclosure) crying right now as I think about what that feels like. Writing is at once a lonely and public profession. We may write for ourselves and so much of that work takes place inside our head, but we also write to be read. I don't know what it's like (personally) to have 150,000 copies of my book printed and released out into the world. Maybe someday I will, but for now, I imagine that it's a pretty amazing experience and one with a great deal of emotion surrounding it.

I woke up on December 21st to see John Green's tweet "For reasons I cannot currently discuss, I am ABSOLUTELY FURIOUS right now. Like, I can't remember ever having been more pissed off." With a quick stroll on the internet, I was able to figure out what was going on. Then I texted College Brother who'd preordered his copy from bn.com to see if he was getting his early.

A few hours later, John Green released a statement. (found here) In it he said, "We all make mistakes, and it is not my wish to see Barnes and Noble or any of their employees vilified." It wasn't until I read that, that I began to realize that while I had absolutely nothing to do with the early shipment of these books, as an employee of B&N, there was a part of me that felt responsible. It is an irrational feeling of responsibility, but the way I feel nonetheless.

Yesterday John Green posted to his Tumblr the following question someone had asked, "Has there been a statement from B&N regarding the whole shipping fiasco, by any chance? Like, have they even acknowledged that they screwed up royally (either to you or the general public)" to which John Green replied, "They have not. Have I mentioned how easy and convenient it is to preorder The Fault in Our Stars from Amazon, or your local independent bookseller, or Books-a-Million, or Target, or even WalMart?"

Maybe it was all the abuse I've taken this holiday season (80 year old ladies literally screaming at me for no good reason, etc), but this hurt me. A lot. It's part of why I'm writing a blog on Christmas morning after working 60 hours last week instead of sleeping.

Has John Green never heard (or has he simply forgotten?) how Amazon has broken Strict on Sale dates (among its many crimes)? How WalMart sold Harry Potter books early? Target is far from famous for holding back titles. In fact, I think it's pretty safe to say that every book outlet (Costco too) from B&N to your local independent bookseller has made the mistake (and in some cases, done it with purpose) of breaking an SOS.

It just epically sucks when it happens to you.

And while I feel horrible that it happened, horrible that the business I work for, a company that has done a great deal to promote John Green through its Discover Great New Writers program, displays, and booksellers. It was an unfortunate mistake.

This holiday season, I personally put a great many John Green books into the hands of a great many aunts, uncles, grandmas, moms and dads. I helped make that record breaking week for Looking for Alaska. I took great pleasure yesterday in helping the young man wearing a "Keep Calm and DFTBA" t-shirt looking for David Levithan's (brilliant) Lover's Dictionary.

For some (mostly likely fatigue induced) irrational reason, I still feel bad. I have looked forward to January 10th and the release of The Fault in Our Stars. I still am. I am looking forward to January 29th when John Green will be in Portland and I will in attendance with College Brother, grateful to have purchased my tickets before the event sold out.

And if no one else from Barnes & Noble will say it, I'm sorry John Green. I'm sorry this mistake was made, I really am. I'm sorry for you. I'm sorry for your fans. I'm sorry that the release of this book, which is clearly very important to you had to be tainted with this scandal. I'm sorry it had to be a part of your Christmas this year.

Later this morning, I'll head over to my parent's house where I'll see College Brother (who received his copy of TFIOS yesterday...still unopened in its box) and we'll likely talk about this in person.

Again though, I really am sorry Mr. Green.

And for everyone else, have a very Merry Christmas and DFTBA.

*please forgive any typos. It's very late/very early



(further disclaimer: The postings on this site are my own and do not represent Barnes & Noble's positions, strategies, or opinions.

NaNoWriMo 2011 (Day 5, Not Forgetting To Be Awesome, 10090 Words and Counting)

“In fact, I think empathy is sort of the central character trait of the writer, along with, like, a weird mix of egotism and insecurity.”
                                                                     John Green

There are so many reasons why I adore John Green, but one of them is for his wisdom and insightfulness. I came across this quote on the effyeahnerdfighters tumblr this morning and it really struck a chord. Without empathy, how can you effectively put yourself in so many other shoes? Without egotism, how can you believe that anyone else would care what it is that you write? Insecurity? I have never met a writer who hasn't been crippled by that villain, at least temporarily.

At work I have several employees who are reaching their 5 or 10 year anniversary dates. One of the things I started last year to honor them, was putting together a profile to display in the break room. They have to answer 5 (or 10) questions, one for every year they've been with us, and then I put it together into a newsletterish format. One of the questions is something about which writer, living or dead, would you like to have dinner with. While there are so many to choose from, if asked that question today, I would answer confidently and without regret, "John Green."

He inspires me in many, many ways. Through his books, through his NaNoWriMo Pep Talks, through his videos, and through his actions. I strive in my own writing, to be something close to him.

A girl can dream, right? What harm can it do to dream big?

If you're not familiar with John Green, he is the Printz Award Winning, Discover Great New Writers, young adult author of such brilliances as Looking for Alaska, Paper Towns, and Will Grayson, Will Grayson. If you only read one of his books, I think you should start with Paper Towns.

After some morning writing (with very satisfying results) , I'm heading out of town to visit College Brother.  The debate right now is to laptop or not to laptop...

 "I never knew love could be like this.  I never knew love could be like this. I go around   thinking I'm a genius, but I never knew love...has it ever been love? Oh, I never knew love could be like this."

                           from Never Knew Love by They Might Be Giants

Remembering the 5th of November

Banned Books Week (September 25th-October 1st, 2011)

"The books that the world calls immoral are the books that show the world its own shame." Oscar Wilde

As Banned Books Week draws to a close I am left in a state of emotional unrest. In other words, I'm pissed off.

I love books. I have no idea what would happen to me if written words were taken away. Last night I was doing some research on banned books on the American Library Association's website and this morning I woke up at 5:28am frustrated and upset. There were two sets of statistics posted that stuck in my head.

The first:

And the second:

Most banned books are challenged by parents for being sexually explicit. I've read most of these books. I've talked to librarians and teachers about the books their parents want pulled from my shelves. Here is what bothers me the most. Human sexuality is at the core of our experience. Without sexuality, none of us would be here (okay, maybe just the majority of us). If parents would just talk to their kids about issues surrounding sex rather than just banning the books that might help them understand sex and make smart decisions, things would be better. Just because a book has sex in it, doesn't mean it glorifies sex, encourages kids to have sex, or causes deviant behaviors.

I remember reading an article in which (one of my absolute favorite authors) John Green discusses the sex in his book Looking for Alaska. He says it best in his YouTube video discussing a movement by parents to get his book out of schools so I'm just going to let you watch it yourself...

I could go on for hours about why I think everyone should be able to read what they want to read, but for now, I think I've said what I needed to say.

Now go out and celebrate by picking up a banned book. It shouldn't be hard, most of the good ones have been banned at one point or another (including A Wrinkle in Time, To Kill a Mockingbird, Harry Potter, A Prayer for Owen Meany and on and on...)

Falling for Iron & Wine & Coffee & Cream & Will Grayson

I awoke today in the transition between dusk and dawn and could hear the wind rattling everything that would rattle. It was Fall knocking on Summer's door saying, "Sorry, I got caught up with an old friend and lost track of time, but I'm here now."

I fell asleep in the heat of a summer eve and woke to the cool, wet, windy emergence of fall.

I adore fall. It's my favorite of all the seasons (but I suspect I say that to all of them...) I love watching the trees catch fire. I love the crunchy sounds discarded leaves make beneath my feet as I stomp through city parks. I love the smells, the tastes.

This morning, after making a French Press Pot of Glorious Coffee, I have settled into my library with a Pandora station centered on the music of Iron & Wine. It's been a good time to reflect on the craziness of this whirlwind of a week that finally finished. It's been a good time to catch my breath, to practice my breathing.

Wednesday I went in to get a massage before work and the therapist noticed that I was not breathing into my chest, only my abdomen, so he did some work to open up and loosen my chest and showed me how to breathe again. At the end of the session I was light-headed from the increased oxygen. I've learned that when I have an increase in stress, I often forget to breathe and breathing, as we know,  is ever so important.

Thursday I met up with my husband and College Brother to grab some dinner and hang out. We ended up at Signal Station Pizza and enjoyed a lovely meal sitting outside. Afterwards we ended up going for a walk through St. John's. When we got to the bookstore I couldn't resist the allure and so we wandered in.

Despite spending too many hours in a bookstore already this week, it was too difficult not to want to peak in. It's always fun to see the same books you know and love in a different setting. It's almost like meeting up with a good friend when you weren't exactly expecting it. They look the same...and yet different. I wandered the aisles, looking at old flames and catching the eye of a few attractive new faces.

I wandered into the Young Adult section (which my brother pointed out contained the Captain Underpants series...) and was surprised to see the only John Green book they had was the one he wrote with David Levithan, Will Grayson, Will Grayson. I really did enjoy that book, but of all the John Green books available (like Looking for Alaska and Paper Towns) I was just surprised. I picked one up and noticed a flash of gold on the cover and discovered it was a "signed copy." "Well," I thought to myself, "Surely it's not signed by BOTH of them." I opened to the title page and found that indeed it WAS signed by both. "Well," I said, "Surely it's not a first edition." But it was and so I was left with no choice but to buy a book I already owned in digital form.

My husband just smiled and explained to my brother that this would be a "top shelf book." The top shelves of one of the bookcases in the library are reserved for the very rare books, including my increasing collection of signed editions.

Now the wind is picking up outside and I'm watching the red leaves shadow the sky on their way to the ground and I feel grateful to have this day and the next to read, write, listen to music, breathe. Good morning.