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I have escaped to a coffee shop (Anna Bannanas) this morning because I can’t seem to shake the restlessness that seems to have settled into the marrow of my very bones. I can’t tell if the root cause of this constant need for motion is a residual side effect from the shooting and what happened after or if it’s simply that I haven’t had a moment’s pause to catch my breath (scream coughing on the couch doesn’t exactly count) since the retail holiday chaos.

Whatever it is, wherever it comes from, here I am, New Year’s Eve, alone in a coffee shop, ready to break up with 2012.

It’s not that it’s been a horrible year. There are certainly many remarkable and amazing moments to reflect upon and feel great joy. January began with going to meet John and Hank Green with College Brother (and catching a Honey Badger!) and turned to sadness with the death and burial of my dearest grandfather. The rest of the year was scattered with similar juxtapositions. It was a year that seemed to require balance. For every incredible experience I had, there seemed to be a counter challenge.

I’ll confess there have been times when it has felt impossible to keep the negative from overshadowing the positive.

And the truth is, there has been a great deal of positive.

I have met some incredible new people who have influenced my life in all the best ways. I have met some of my absolute favorite authors and agents who have inspired me to be a stronger writer.

I have spent more time writing than ever (outside of my academic life). I have spent immeasurable hours getting my manuscript ready to send out into the querying world. I have read so many brilliant books (and am working up a separate project to highlight them).

I have walked countless miles through my familiar neighborhood streets and have traveled alone over the sidewalks of new towns.

I went on an amazing road trip by myself, relearning how beautiful this country, this world, can be, remembering what it’s like to be alone.

I have spent time with old friends and made new ones.

I have laughed until I cried and cried until I laughed.

I have seen musicians perform live and I have listened to new albums, their notes entering through headphones, into my ears and vibrating their way through my body until they settle in my heart. I have played my ukulele (badly) and I have sung my heart out alone in the car through mountain passes with a pocket full of sunshine.

I have walked along the Pacific, the sand rising between my toes, the salted, cold water reminding me what it feels like to be alive.

I have sat on rocks and let the ocean’s roar drown out my own thoughts.

I have spent many lazy, sun-drenched afternoons reading/sleeping in my backyard hammock.

I have spent countless hours curled up next to the sweetest black dog in the entire world.

I have celebrated graduations, anniversaries, birthdays, and weddings.

I feel like I could go on like this until the daylight has passed to night. There’s something so very therapeutic and beautiful about taking the time to reflect on the many wonderful moments of the past year and all the day to day details which make me grateful for the life I live.

It’s too early to tell what kinds of joys and heartbreaks 2013 is going to hand out. All I can know is that I will take each one as it comes and hope that I am strong enough to appreciate every bit of it. I can do my best to live in the present, be mindful of the future and always grateful for the past.

Now I think it’s time to leave you with a piece of a song that has been in my heart all year:

            I was walking far from home, but I carried your letters all the while.

            I saw lovers in a window whisper, “Want me like time, want me like time."

                            from Iron & Wine's Walking Far From Home